gender?

AKA: I don't really know what my deal is, but it's complicated.

A vent page, for gender feelings, uncertainties and questions I ask myself. Many of these no longer apply. Many of them still do.

My gender feels like an invisible puzzle piece. I can't see it, but can sometimes feel when the edges press against something. When a spot is too small or the wrong shape, that's clear.

In the past, it's fit okay into the "female" slot, but I can't help but feel like the edges don't always match right, or wonder if there are gaps left in the space it might not quite fill. I'm not even sure the shape stays the same from day to day.

Some days I can't really feel the piece at all, and I automatically put it into the female slot because that's what it's supposed to be, but I can't actually feel anything that makes it belong there other than persistent force of habit.

Now that I've started poking at the edges, though, I've found that the shape doesn't fit as much as I though it did, and I can start to feel where the edges rub up against it or don't line up. I still can't tell the shape, and I at least have an idea of what it's not, but I'm still unsure what it is.

A lot of the time, I have no strong sense of anything. I'm a human being, I guess? One whose body is kinda curvy, and has boobs? One who is sensitive and shy and an awkward dork, and does like many traditionally feminine things, but may not actually be a woman, and likes being more androgynous? Bluh. I'm writing on this page more to help figure things out than for anyone else's benefit.

Long story short: who knows?


An Addendum, and Miscellanous Comments


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